All week I’ve opted to use public transport to travel to work. Because I feel the icy wind on my face, I talk myself out of walking. While writing this post, I recognise it is a silly excuse.
The festive period, blended with this ongoing pandemic, led me to spend most of my time indoors. When I was not doing anything productive, I would step into my kitchen and grab a few festive snacks. Well, when I say festive, I’m referring to the foods I tend to be surrounded by during November/December
Raspberry puff pastry pieces
Brioche with chocolate chips
Hmm, I gather my list isn’t extensive as such – though, I shamefully admit the quantities that I consumed were colossal. This has led to a 7lb weight gain! Shocking, I know, right?
Then this week, as I mentioned earlier, I’ve travelled predominantly by using public transport. Thus, holding on to my 7lbs of fat and not making a real effort to lose it.
I keep muttering that it’s too cold.
But is it? Well, no.
I have warm clothes I can wear daily to get out and walk. Unfortunately, I’m lazy and finding anything to convince myself that I’m making the right decision – though my conscious self is alert and aware it’s detrimental to my health and well-being.
What good is it to stay indoors burning heat and not using any of my free time to burn fat and get back on track?
But it’s too cold outside.
Said the woman who made no effort to do anything to help her lose weight.
A step back
I took a moment to reflect deeply and identify why my drive is low? I found or rather acknowledge that I have deadlines coming up, and the fact that this pandemic has been going on for over two years now is depressing.
I’m not ashamed to admit I feel helpless, and my motivation is low. I guess I want you to remember that no one is perfect, and no life is infallible. I’m human, and though I want to do better and be better, the current situation is a challenge for me.
I have taken steps to remedy my poor choices of food. I have bought fresh fruits and veg – tomato soup! I’m here for that.
Writing this post has also helped; it’s healthy to express thoughts/feelings. Locking them up only causes the likelihood of an implosion to occur.
Remember, there’s more than one person going through it.
This year has been the bomb, the explosion, the implosion and constant repair. I’ve cried a thousand times, maybe less than a hundred, I don’t know exactly, but I do care.
This year has challenged me to forgive and mean it simultaneously. To stop saying things for the sake of saying something, stop saying, ‘yes,’ all the time.
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve gained weight.
I’ve gained some more and lost a bit. I’ve been wading through my emotions and mountains of shit.
I’m thankful for every second, yes, especially the hard bits. For the end of the year has arrived, and I’m over it, with zero fucks to give.
I’m not going to overstate a quote because it’s popular – ‘New year, new me!’ Nah, I’m happy walking into 2022 as me and evolving as me and growing. Yes, I’ve been extra reflective this year, and reflection goes so far; implementing changes, and SMART goal setting is what I must focus on to go far.
Earlier this evening, I ordered a vegan Tadka Dahl, and it was the first time I tasted it. DELIGHTFUL and spicy. A fitting meal to mark the end of 2021.
I have no resolutions, as I no longer believe in waiting for this day to set them. Instead, we should always reflect and make positive changes – no one is born with a guarantee on the duration of life. Therefore, I will be taking a step back from blogging to pursue my happiness. (You may have already noticed my spotty absence.)
2021 has taught me to live my life, and that’s all I shall do until my heartbeat fades. Remember, every heartbeat counts.
I’m not a ‘fan’ or a ‘traditional follower’ of Christmas! However, it is important to help those who are less fortunate than yourself.
This help does not have to be financial; handing them cash into their hands. It could be signposting them to professional/charitable organisations or vice Versa.
My point is that ‘help’ comes in many forms, and dialogue is often the starting point for helping others.
There I was finishing up with my shift, and I overheard a conversation, which went like this:
Person A: ‘There’s gonna be beggars outside; take the leftover food and give it to them.’
Person B: ‘What do you mean? It’s not healthy. And I don’t wanna go near them.’
Person A: ‘they will take it and eat it, they eat anything. Just hold your breath.’
Person B: ‘Why don’t you do it?’
Person A: ‘because I don’t wanna catch anything, and they stink.’
Person B: ‘Then why are you asking me to do it? And I think that cake has gone off anyway.’
Person A: ‘You’ll be fine! And trust me, the cake isn’t going to harm them; they’re used to diseases, they’re immune to them. They don’t have covid.’
Person B: ‘I’m not speaking to crackheads.’
Person A: ‘get in the Christmas spirit, hand them the cake and wish them a Merry Christmas. They’ll eat the box if they’re hungry.’
The above is one of many conversations, not just around Christmas but all year.
As the human race, we are about to step into 2022, and we still have not learned to understand the basics of our society. We need others to thrive – life in solitude with no other human was be a living nightmare.
I get the bond we have with friends and family. But who were friends before they were honoured with that title? They were strangers – people who had a whole life before connecting with us. Some come from abuse, poverty, self-destruction, and others come from a place of peace and love. Either way, we do not know until we open dialogue with them – ask about their history and how they came to a low place. Don’t assume and never allow your ignorance to overshadow helping others.
On the 25th of December, the majority of our world overeats and doesn’t really give a second thought to this.
I mean, how much have you spent on Christmas? And how much have you donated to a charitable cause? It is a place that helps people get back on their feet and supports those who are less fortunate.
The amount spent on Christmas for many will be too much £££, equally the amount donated for many will be £0.
Saying that, don’t just help for one moment, be charitable more often than not.
Help to heal our world, and the human race will flourish for that.
Please don’t donate stale food – you wouldn’t eat it yourself.
I was out at an event the other night that had NO veggie options for me to enjoy. Everything contained meat!
I asked the hose for any vegetarian options; she advised, ‘whatever is out, is out.’ Of course, I was made to feel bad for asking, like asking is a crime, and it’s crazy to think that veg only options would be available at events hosted in 2021.
I was admonished for asking for meat-free alternatives.
That night I returned home, I was hungry, and the first thought was to order takeaway. So I went online, ordered a veggie burger and fries, with extra fries.
The estimated delivery time was 45 minutes. About an hour went by before I contacted the fast-food place. They advised that the food was ready and sitting there for around 30 minutes.
Another 20 minutes passed, and I called the online food service; they were the worst – if customer service were the area of discussion, minus 100 would be the starting point for their icy answers and dead amount of consideration for the lack of service.
After around 1hour and 25 minutes, they agreed to refund the cost of the food.
In the end, I had x2 slices of whole grain, seeded toast with houmous. The first bite confirmed that this was all I truly needed. Guilt then fell over me. I felt naïve; all the warning signs were there.
I was not eating at the event due to no veggie options.
Delivery late and then cancelled.
Confirmation from the junk-food provider that my order had been waiting to be collected for a very long time.
The duration that scene played out.
Toast and houmous was the answer – food readily available – in my fridge.
I allowed harmful cravings to consume my decision-making and ordered a detrimental bag of badness.
Today, I’ve browsed a wide array of houmous varieties and selected Moroccan styled houmous (featured in image) houmous with tahini and sweet chilli infused houmous.
2022 is almost here, and I’m only getting older! My body is my body, is my body.
Takeaways, take good health away. I need willpower and drive to steer clear of poor health choices.
Today is the 1st of December 2021 – A year that will end 30 days from today.
November was a difficult month for me, as I aim to complete so much in very little time. Unfortunately, I gained a few pounds through emotional eating, which was bought on through a series of failed plans.
November taught me that there would be times where the things you love to do won’t come to fruition, and that is the way of life. However, it is important to remember that things will improve and the days will get better. I know firsthand that it is all too easy to forget, that better days are sprouting.
With this new month, my worries are about gaining weight – I know this is a common thought shared throughout the world. However, in the society in which I reside, gluttony is promoted during this period. People will add the disclaimer, ‘treat yourself,’ to re-affirm your desire to eat something bad for your health. But, more often than not, you may give in as you buy into the notion of ‘start your diet in January!’ The facts are that what you’re doing will hinder your progression, and by the time January 2022 arrives, you’ll have even more weight to lose.
I’ve not decided upon what I’ll be having for Christmas dinner – with so many plant-based choices, the options are endless. Perhaps a jackfruit based dish should take priority? I will keep you all informed.
I have attached a free PDF download of November reflections. I implore you all to complete it, as it helps gain deep insight into how you can improve your life.
I struggle with saying ‘no’ to people when they ask me to do things, ‘favours!’ it’s always the same people, needing some form of support:
My answer is always YES! Even when time does not permit. Right now, I’m exhausted! Some people don’t even ask; they send a demand via a text, and I do it.
Yes, it is great to do good things for loved ones, but at what cost? Well, I’ll share my expenses with you.
Lack of sleep
Right now, I’m too tired even to complete this post to the best of my ability. Remember, you matter, and you should put yourself first. Don’t be afraid to say NO! and stand by your answers, and don’t feel guilty.
A person going through emotional trauma slid into my DMs with a bad attitude and negative energy.
They tried to shame my appearance and devalue my self-worth.
My reaction was to delete the messages – they mean nothing to me.
In a world where we have witnessed first-hand how trolling can push someone to commit suicide, the aftermath is a plethora of #BeKind. You would think that people would learn that often, words can cut deep and cause death by negative energy.
I know from learning and understanding perspectives that hurt people, hurt people. That is an unfortunate fact.
With some things in this life, they have labels assigned – like a can of beans. So it will say beans somewhere on the can. But, on the other hand, people don’t have labels – not ones that are visible or true to their identity.
The hurt individual who pushed their way into my DMs, air printed a label and tried to attach a false narrative to my existence. How did I feel? I felt sorry for them. Clearly, they need help, and I’m sending them healing energy, as I know they must be struggling with their mental health for them to be that way. I hope they get the help and support they need to heal.
To my friends who have experienced online bullying on this journey, remember none of this is your fault. You are worthy of love, honour and respect, and you deserve more in this life.
While online bullies will always pop up and try to nip at your existence – we must remember their words aren’t applicable and will always remain un-stick-able.
Often I have fallen for the words of those around me, ‘I’m here to support you if you need me.’
I have trusted those words to be true. Only, on the rare occasion where I reach out for support – they look perplexed and move on to discuss a topic about themselves.
Lately, I’ve found this challenging as there have been times I’ve needed a friend and…
I’m not saying that all friends are unreliable; I’m simply highlighting that the support offered and provided are quite contrasting. My experience is that people make offers of help because it sounds good. However, their intentions or rather actions don’t match up.
I’m learning to identify genuine offers of support. Refining my willpower and determination to complete this solo and to keep in mind that experiencing delusion wastes time.
Try believing in yourself more often than not and know that it is not the be-all and end-all when friends fail to support you.
Take a step back and reflect, identify how you can help yourself and don’t waste time sitting and brooding over what you expected from a friendship.
I’m six days late to share this with you. However, it is sometimes better to be late than not to share at all, right?
I believe it is important to reflect and to complete this action often.
I use these questions to reflect each month, and I’ve found them helpful with my goals for the following month. Through written reflection, I can identify areas of improvement and celebrate the aspects of my month where I’ve succeeded.
A few months ago, I shared with you all that I had been diagnosed with OCD. Which mainly consists of checking things over and over again.
I hadn’t shared that sometimes my mind latches onto something and then goes high-speed with mind-mapping scenarios about that thing.
For example, I was conversing with my best friend about life, and something he said triggered my mind to think about a hundred different outcomes. During this moment of thought, I splurge out with sharing through the form of communication I’m in.
Most of the time, my OCD is significant! As a Researcher, I thrive on the ideas and questions that come from thoughts racing at 100miles per hour. However, it can sometimes cause exhaustion, especially as then end in a hard stop! My friend was confused and, understandably, could not keep up.
The next day, I started to explain to him what happened and how my OCD turns into a thinking-beast when I’m having a low day. Then I stopped. Thankfully, he reached out this morning, and we discussed my OCD in more detail. I appreciate the understanding and support from him and close family and friends.
I know it’s not easy to discuss such aspects of life through fear of judgment and society’s rejection. However, it is essential to raise awareness and make such conversations familiar and informative for all.
My friend (and others) have said I could be open and talk to them about my OCD and let them know how best they can support me. This is great because it shows they care about my mental health and wellbeing.
If you have OCD and feel you’re not coping. I implore you to speak with your GP, as they can signpost you to CBT Therapist (which happened to me and is working!) Although I know it’s not easy to ask for help, trust me, it is worth it!
Last month was going well for me, diet-wise, until week 3! I reunited with someone from my past. And it’s influenced a cycle of emotional eating, with slight weight gain.
A new trigger identified? I believe so.
It’s difficult to focus when you have other aspects of life coming into your world and disseminating anything positive.
Or fearing the unknown is part of my life and impacts my relationships with others.
This November, I will learn a new plant-based dish, maybe one that does not consist of chickpeas (though I love chickpeas.)
I will walk to places I need to go, should the weather be suitable.
I pledge to be kinder to myself and take time to spend alone and rest my mind.
I promise to focus on what’s important to me and ensure I have at least one day a week where I switch off from social media, not take any calls and turn all my notifications off. I’m going to begin this from 7.11.21
Remember, it’s all too easy to make lists upon lists. The important thing is to create a START with action.