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The Story of Unique Fatso

Unique Fatso

*Disclaimer, this was written a while ago.

Foundation
I can’t remember how old I was exactly. But I know I was young.
A small booklet arrived with the daily post and was placed in the fruit-bowl by one of my family members. During breakfast, I picked it up and was looking through it, my stepfather entered and pulled on the corner of it. After turning a few pages, he said, ‘you see if I were a girl, I would aspire to be a size 10.’ He then pushed it back toward me and walked away laughing.
I closed the brochure and left the kitchen, heading upstairs to cry. I was never a fat child, I was a part of the sprint team, netball, and running and even swimming. But that moment was to change my life forever.
I remember sitting in my cupboard and placing the earphones in my ears, skipping to track 10 of Rainbow by Mariah Carey and playing it over and over again. ‘…still, I cry, I cry, I cry…’ And that’s all I did, was cry. Not for the true meaning of the song but because my stepfather had just killed any confidence I had.

From then onwards, more and more comments came along and more, and more people joined in:
‘Sorry, I can’t stop staring at your ass, it’s so big.’ – Cousin
‘Look how big your thighs are, ha-ha they’re huge.’ – Aunt (Mother of a cousin)
‘Don’t you think you should join a gym, you look like Fatso from Casper.’ – Grandmother
‘You should stick to salad.’ – Grandmother.
‘Can’t you see how fat you’re getting, you look disgusting.’ – Grandmother

I began to eat more food. I stopped running, swimming, and I tried my best to avoid family gatherings. One of which was my Grandmothers birthday. It was held at a Chinese buffet restaurant. I was so ashamed of my body image that I wore; very long and extra wide black trousers, oversized black t-shirt and a long black cardigan. (Surely, weight gain was gradual but visible.) My Grandmother arrived in a short white dress that had a fluffy rabbits tale on the rear and the Playboy bunny logo on the side. To complement her dress, she wore glass slippers, that had feathers on the toe and white feathered bow around her neck. As she walked past everyone, she paused and said to me, ‘what? Are you jealous?’ I turned my head and continued to eat my broccoli and Chinese chicken curry.

Scenarios similar to that one continued, and for many years, I was forced to endure this. I often wished I could find a large amount of money and have surgery. I longed for one of these people to compliment me. I stopped going out with friends, I stopped making new friends. I found refuge in the thriller section of the school library. With a few bottles of fizzy pop (soda,) bags of sweets, packets of chocolates and often a muffin or two.
Key members of my family made me feel irrelevant. I often dreamt of a life without me being here. I often dreamt of having a stepfather that supported me like his own, a grandmother that loved me for an extended family that didn’t have an invested interest in my waistline and me.
Infrequently, I would vividly dream about my own death. How they would celebrate at my funeral with ample amounts of food and drink. Irony.

Cement
Because of the negative connotations surrounding my body, I had no confidence. Whenever people visited the house, I raced upstairs to my bedroom. During the summer, I avoided going outside…unless I had to.
Because of this mental abuse (which is precisely what it was), I grew up believing that I would never love or be loved. I grew up with a belief embedded in my mind that I was indeed ugly and unlovable.

Point
As a child growing up surrounded by key members in your life, many are telling you that you’re fat and ugly. It is tough to differentiate what is the reality and what is their deluded viewpoint. As a teenager, I struggled immensely when boys showed even the slightest bit of interest, I walked away. I became a recluse, spent endless hours upon hours just daydreaming about a new life, a new body, a new look, a whole new family – well, stepfather, cousins, aunties, uncles, and Grandmother. Not much, I guess.

Today, I no longer speak to those members of my family. The last time I saw my Grandmother was last year on her birthday. She called out to me, I looked at her and continued on my way. I can’t bring myself talk to her anymore, and now that I’m older, I simply don’t have to.
Everyone should realise that abuse isn’t just of a physical nature. Mental abuse cuts just as deep, and the blows can leave an individual unconscious for a lifetime.
Fortunately, I woke up.

Unique Fatso

Welcome December 2021

Today is the 1st of December 2021 – A year that will end 30 days from today.

November was a difficult month for me, as I aim to complete so much in very little time. Unfortunately, I gained a few pounds through emotional eating, which was bought on through a series of failed plans.

November taught me that there would be times where the things you love to do won’t come to fruition, and that is the way of life. However, it is important to remember that things will improve and the days will get better. I know firsthand that it is all too easy to forget, that better days are sprouting.

With this new month, my worries are about gaining weight – I know this is a common thought shared throughout the world. However, in the society in which I reside, gluttony is promoted during this period. People will add the disclaimer, ‘treat yourself,’ to re-affirm your desire to eat something bad for your health. But, more often than not, you may give in as you buy into the notion of ‘start your diet in January!’ The facts are that what you’re doing will hinder your progression, and by the time January 2022 arrives, you’ll have even more weight to lose.

I’ve not decided upon what I’ll be having for Christmas dinner – with so many plant-based choices, the options are endless. Perhaps a jackfruit based dish should take priority? I will keep you all informed.

I have attached a free PDF download of November reflections. I implore you all to complete it, as it helps gain deep insight into how you can improve your life.

I hope you have a wonderful month.

Love

Unique Fatso

Always

Fat Fridays: Overtired – 26.11.2021       

I struggle with saying ‘no’ to people when they ask me to do things, ‘favours!’ it’s always the same people, needing some form of support:

  • Financially
  • Physically
  • Emotionally

My answer is always YES! Even when time does not permit. Right now, I’m exhausted! Some people don’t even ask; they send a demand via a text, and I do it.

Yes, it is great to do good things for loved ones, but at what cost? Well, I’ll share my expenses with you.

  • Lack of sleep
  • Weight-gain
  • Emotional eating
  • OCD triggered

Right now, I’m too tired even to complete this post to the best of my ability. Remember, you matter, and you should put yourself first. Don’t be afraid to say NO! and stand by your answers, and don’t feel guilty.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

Labels! Air Printed and Un-stick-able

A person going through emotional trauma slid into my DMs with a bad attitude and negative energy.

They tried to shame my appearance and devalue my self-worth.

My reaction was to delete the messages – they mean nothing to me.

In a world where we have witnessed first-hand how trolling can push someone to commit suicide, the aftermath is a plethora of #BeKind. You would think that people would learn that often, words can cut deep and cause death by negative energy.

I know from learning and understanding perspectives that hurt people, hurt people. That is an unfortunate fact.

Labels.

With some things in this life, they have labels assigned – like a can of beans. So it will say beans somewhere on the can. But, on the other hand, people don’t have labels  – not ones that are visible or true to their identity.

The hurt individual who pushed their way into my DMs, air printed a label and tried to attach a false narrative to my existence. How did I feel? I felt sorry for them. Clearly, they need help, and I’m sending them healing energy, as I know they must be struggling with their mental health for them to be that way. I hope they get the help and support they need to heal.

To my friends who have experienced online bullying on this journey, remember none of this is your fault. You are worthy of love, honour and respect, and you deserve more in this life.

While online bullies will always pop up and try to nip at your existence – we must remember their words aren’t applicable and will always remain un-stick-able.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

I Love Tomato Soup & Basil Soup – 23.11.2021

Fat Fridays: The Delusion of Support – 19.11.2021

The Delusion of Support

Often I have fallen for the words of those around me, ‘I’m here to support you if you need me.’

I have trusted those words to be true. Only, on the rare occasion where I reach out for support – they look perplexed and move on to discuss a topic about themselves.

Lately, I’ve found this challenging as there have been times I’ve needed a friend and…

I’m not saying that all friends are unreliable; I’m simply highlighting that the support offered and provided are quite contrasting. My experience is that people make offers of help because it sounds good. However, their intentions or rather actions don’t match up.

I’m learning to identify genuine offers of support. Refining my willpower and determination to complete this solo and to keep in mind that experiencing delusion wastes time.

Mini tip

Try believing in yourself more often than not and know that it is not the be-all and end-all when friends fail to support you.

Take a step back and reflect, identify how you can help yourself and don’t waste time sitting and brooding over what you expected from a friendship.

Live a plant-based life,

Love,

Unique Fatso

End of October Reflections

Afternoon All,

I’m six days late to share this with you. However, it is sometimes better to be late than not to share at all, right?

I believe it is important to reflect and to complete this action often.

I use these questions to reflect each month, and I’ve found them helpful with my goals for the following month. Through written reflection, I can identify areas of improvement and celebrate the aspects of my month where I’ve succeeded.

I hope I’m able to be a supportive friend.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: My OCD and Me! 05.11.2021

Fat Fridays – My OCD and Me – 05.11.2021

A few months ago, I shared with you all that I had been diagnosed with OCD. Which mainly consists of checking things over and over again.

I hadn’t shared that sometimes my mind latches onto something and then goes high-speed with mind-mapping scenarios about that thing.

For example, I was conversing with my best friend about life, and something he said triggered my mind to think about a hundred different outcomes. During this moment of thought, I splurge out with sharing through the form of communication I’m in.

Most of the time, my OCD is significant! As a Researcher, I thrive on the ideas and questions that come from thoughts racing at 100miles per hour. However, it can sometimes cause exhaustion, especially as then end in a hard stop! My friend was confused and, understandably, could not keep up.

The next day, I started to explain to him what happened and how my OCD turns into a thinking-beast when I’m having a low day. Then I stopped. Thankfully, he reached out this morning, and we discussed my OCD in more detail. I appreciate the understanding and support from him and close family and friends.

I know it’s not easy to discuss such aspects of life through fear of judgment and society’s rejection. However, it is essential to raise awareness and make such conversations familiar and informative for all.

My friend (and others) have said I could be open and talk to them about my OCD and let them know how best they can support me. This is great because it shows they care about my mental health and wellbeing.

If you have OCD and feel you’re not coping. I implore you to speak with your GP, as they can signpost you to CBT Therapist (which happened to me and is working!) Although I know it’s not easy to ask for help, trust me, it is worth it!

Remember, mental health matters!

Unique Fatso

Weight? It’s Wednesday! – 03.11.2021

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Welcome November 2021

Last month was going well for me, diet-wise, until week 3! I reunited with someone from my past. And it’s influenced a cycle of emotional eating, with slight weight gain.

A new trigger identified? I believe so.

It’s difficult to focus when you have other aspects of life coming into your world and disseminating anything positive.

Or fearing the unknown is part of my life and impacts my relationships with others.

I digress.

  • This November, I will learn a new plant-based dish, maybe one that does not consist of chickpeas (though I love chickpeas.)
  • I will walk to places I need to go, should the weather be suitable.
  • I pledge to be kinder to myself and take time to spend alone and rest my mind.
  • I promise to focus on what’s important to me and ensure I have at least one day a week where I switch off from social media, not take any calls and turn all my notifications off. I’m going to begin this from 7.11.21

Remember, it’s all too easy to make lists upon lists. The important thing is to create a START with action.

Live a healthy life,

Love,

Unique Fatso

I Love Chickpeas

📸 Unique Fatso

FitBit: Russian Railway

It’s the small things that make me smile.

Weight? It’s Wednesday! – 20.10.2021

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Choose

Morning Power Walk – Completed

Fat Fridays: Motivation to Run During Autumnal Days – 15.10.2021

Fat Fridays: Motivation to Run During Autumnal Days – 15.10.2021

Problem

It is now Autumn, and I feel anxious about training outside. My thoughts consume me, and I create excuses and stay inside.

Why do I do this?

Because my fear of people looking at me in disgust rises, and I can’t breathe – I get anxious and conclude that the only resolution is not to go out. It’s a silly thought process, I know, and the irony is that I frequently motivate my peers to do better and be better.

Solution

I will re-introduce a running schedule from tomorrow, aiming to complete at least two sessions per week. This will assist my weight loss in such a profound way. This time a year ago, I was one stone heavier than I am today. So what better way to keep up the momentum than to plan and smash new goals?

Conclusion

The problem is a reaction to a negative thought process that I often feel I can’t control. The reality is, I don’t know what will happen until I get up, get dressed and get outside. And yes, eyes my see me jogging through the city with my woes, my ass jiggling about as I go – But I’ll never know what they’re thinking.

I get it; it is all too easy to convince myself through conversing with myself that going outside for a 20-minute jog is the wrong thing to do. However, the fact is that only I will be affected by avoiding a goal. Not only will it slow down the progression, but It’ll add to the detriment of my mental health. Therefore, my mini goal is to get up, get outside and jog – even if I’m only outside for 5-minutes. The goal is to get out there.

Live a healthy life,

Love,

Unique Fatso

Aim for an Hour a Day

I complete this 5/7 days a week. Hadn’t thought much of it to begin with, however, it has helped me with so much:

  • build my stamina
  • tone up
  • lose weight
  • improved mental health
  • improved lung capacity
  • making use of my time
  • less crowds, and more environmentally friendly 🙂

@uniquefatso

Weight? It’s Wednesday! – 13.10.2021

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Mint Tea

Fat Fridays: Goal Setting – 08.10.2021

Today I understood that it is easy to set a goal and hashtag the life out of it. Sharing with the world – #Goals

Which reinforces a message to others that you have the same goal. And there you have it, the onlookers chime in and offer you love, likes and minutes worth of attention.

For many of us, our next step never comes to fruition. This is because we’ve received the rewards upfront. However, setting goals is easy. The hard part is implementing the correct system to achieve the goals you have selected.

In other words, what are the stages/steps you need to take to succeed and meet your goals?

Example:

I’m going to lose weight!

Steps:

  • Eat healthier
  • Work out more
  • Meditate

Yes, I agree some of us tend to note down steps we need to take to achieve these goals. But where are the systems?

Eat healthier – porridge for breakfast 7/7 days—fruit only snacks, vegetable dinners only, etc.

Work out – running for 20 mins 5/7 days.

Mediate – daily meditation.

Today I realised it’s easy to set goals!

So tell me, what are your goals? Which systems will you use to be successful? How will you reward yourself?

Above everything else, remember to live a healthy life.

Love

Unique Fatso

Love Your Curves

Weight? It’s Wednesday! – 06.10.2021

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Welcome October 2021

September delivered many insights to me; I had never expected so much from 30 days! But I can confidently say, September was plentiful for my mind.

Did I complete all the goals I set? No. However, I’m not upset about it. After all, it is what it is, and I’m not Houdini; September won’t vanish right before my eyes.

I’ve embraced my OCD; through the embrace, it has decreased my anxiety. As a result, I’m more accepting of the unique components that make me who I am today. Gone are the days that I throw time away worrying about intangible aspects of life I can’t control.

September, I took a step back from social media, a tiny step or three.  I worried a little at first, and then I wasn’t as fussed afterwards. There is so much more to life than updating my timeline.  In September, I enjoyed loosening the mental thoughts that, ‘I must post something as now.’

October’s here, and I’m far more relaxed than ever; I also have a clearer perspective on the journey I’m on. I will complete all I set out to this month, there’s a mountain to climb, and I’m enjoying every second.

My focus this month will be predominantly on my education. I have a lot to do and enough time to do it. It’ll be a phenomenal moment when I’ve conquered this goal and opened up new doors that lead me through exciting pathways.

I’ll still post up from time to time, mainly on my blog – UNIQUEFATSO.com. However, my health and well-being come first, which means spending more time reading, writing, and connecting with family and friends.

I wish you all a month of productivity and positive energy.

Live a healthy life!

Love

Weight? It’s Wednesday – 29.09.2021

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Self-Care Sunday: Braiding my Hair

I’m currently braiding my hair.

You Are Beautiful

Eat What You Need

Fat Fridays: Pandemic Pounds – 24.09.2021

Fat Fridays – Pandemic Pounds – 24.09.2021

Before

I have never experienced a pandemic before.

Today

I had gained a few pounds during the thick of the pandemic (2020) it wasn’t hard to do. The UK Government set laws that advised we must stay indoors. Working hours were reduced, baking commenced and takeaway became a weekly treat.

     Only, what reason was I treating myself for? I hadn’t even managed to complete the work I had to complete for that period. Only, the fries were flowing thick and fast and the salt kept showering down on each plate. ‘We’re in lockdown!’ My reason for everything.

I’m happy to say that today, I eat more in moderation and have better portions. It helps my body to lose 1lb or 2lbs per week. I do gain about 2lbs during menstruation. Over the past few months, I’m happy to say that I’m constantly learning about food and nutrition.

     I’m not trying to say that I’m an expert or anything. However, nothing is stopping me from going out there and reading around the food I eat. Understanding, what works best for my health and discovering what I can try, to improve my life.

Forward

I’m currently looking into oils, how to blend them and what may be great to use for my hair. I’m trying to thicken it up a bit. Lack of iron and B12 has caused hair thinning and trust me, it is not easy to deal with. I’m looking forward to making my life better by understanding the great secrets of plant-based living.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

Weight? It’s Wednesday! 22.09.2021

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To Unwind – 18.09.2021

Recently I purchased the Vanilla Almond Frosting Yankee Candle from Tesco. I must say that the fragrance is delightful!

I found peace through listening to the sounds of the vacuum cleaner and the warm hum from the tumble-dryer. Then drifted into a sweet daydream, where the streets were made of sweet doughts and the rain was a light shower of chocolate sprinkles. Very similar to Homer Simpson when he skips along the streets and is filled with joy, the delectable aroma of sweet treats.

It is important to take mental breaks and find relaxation in different areas of your life.

I do find it challenging to find a moment of peace and relaxation – but who made that rule that to relax, the area must be quiet? The sounds of the vacuum blended with the dryer was the right amount of peace for me, today.

Gone are the days I’m wishing for 10 minutes of silence, so I can get into a comfortable position and meditate.

Live a healthy life

Love

Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Hair Down 17.09.2021

Fat Fridays – Hair Down 17.09.2021

Before

In the past, I would avoid social events as much as possible. I mean, the thought of having to find something that will fit and hide my fat, was extremely challenging, especially for a woman trying to remain invisible. I would always wonder what would it be like? To attend such moments and how I would feel during and after?

Today

I don’t say yes to every invitation I get, however, I do say yes! And I must say, it feels great. I’m learning to let my hair down and enjoy life with friends and family.

Some days are harder than the others, the main difference is that I’m trying. I won’t say it’s easy, especially when it often feels out of my comfort zone – the decision-making process is the hardest part.

I’m thankful for those that bestow positive energy across the areas of my life, where I lack confidence.

Going Forward

I hope to build upon my confidence and start to wear a range of outfits that celebrate my personality and make me feel beautiful. I’ve spent far too long living in the shadows and worrying about the opinions of others – I don’t even know these people.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

Weight? It’s Wednesday! 15.09.2021

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Weight? It’s Wednesday! 08.09.2021

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