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Unique Fatso

Unique Fatso

*Disclaimer, this was written a while ago.

Foundation
I can’t remember how old I was exactly. But I know I was young.
A small booklet arrived with the daily post and was placed in the fruit-bowl by one of my family members. During breakfast, I picked it up and was looking through it, my stepfather entered and pulled on the corner of it. After turning a few pages, he said, ‘you see if I were a girl, I would aspire to be a size 10.’ He then pushed it back toward me and walked away laughing.
I closed the brochure and left the kitchen, heading upstairs to cry. I was never a fat child, I was a part of the sprint team, netball, and running and even swimming. But that moment was to change my life forever.
I remember sitting in my cupboard and placing the earphones in my ears, skipping to track 10 of Rainbow by Mariah Carey and playing it over and over again. ‘…still, I cry, I cry, I cry…’ And that’s all I did, was cry. Not for the true meaning of the song but because my stepfather had just killed any confidence I had.

From then onwards, more and more comments came along and more, and more people joined in:
‘Sorry, I can’t stop staring at your ass, it’s so big.’ – Cousin
‘Look how big your thighs are, ha-ha they’re huge.’ – Aunt (Mother of a cousin)
‘Don’t you think you should join a gym, you look like Fatso from Casper.’ – Grandmother
‘You should stick to salad.’ – Grandmother.
‘Can’t you see how fat you’re getting, you look disgusting.’ – Grandmother

I began to eat more food. I stopped running, swimming, and I tried my best to avoid family gatherings. One of which was my Grandmothers birthday. It was held at a Chinese buffet restaurant. I was so ashamed of my body image that I wore; very long and extra wide black trousers, oversized black t-shirt and a long black cardigan. (Surely, weight gain was gradual but visible.) My Grandmother arrived in a short white dress that had a fluffy rabbits tale on the rear and the Playboy bunny logo on the side. To complement her dress, she wore glass slippers, that had feathers on the toe and white feathered bow around her neck. As she walked past everyone, she paused and said to me, ‘what? Are you jealous?’ I turned my head and continued to eat my broccoli and Chinese chicken curry.

Scenarios similar to that one continued, and for many years, I was forced to endure this. I often wished I could find a large amount of money and have surgery. I longed for one of these people to compliment me. I stopped going out with friends, I stopped making new friends. I found refuge in the thriller section of the school library. With a few bottles of fizzy pop (soda,) bags of sweets, packets of chocolates and often a muffin or two.
Key members of my family made me feel irrelevant. I often dreamt of a life without me being here. I often dreamt of having a stepfather that supported me like his own, a grandmother that loved me for an extended family that didn’t have an invested interest in my waistline and me.
Infrequently, I would vividly dream about my own death. How they would celebrate at my funeral with ample amounts of food and drink. Irony.

Cement
Because of the negative connotations surrounding my body, I had no confidence. Whenever people visited the house, I raced upstairs to my bedroom. During the summer, I avoided going outside…unless I had to.
Because of this mental abuse (which is precisely what it was), I grew up believing that I would never love or be loved. I grew up with a belief embedded in my mind that I was indeed ugly and unlovable.

Point
As a child growing up surrounded by key members in your life, many are telling you that you’re fat and ugly. It is tough to differentiate what is the reality and what is their deluded viewpoint. As a teenager, I struggled immensely when boys showed even the slightest bit of interest, I walked away. I became a recluse, spent endless hours upon hours just daydreaming about a new life, a new body, a new look, a whole new family – well, stepfather, cousins, aunties, uncles, and Grandmother. Not much, I guess.

Today, I no longer speak to those members of my family. The last time I saw my Grandmother was last year on her birthday. She called out to me, I looked at her and continued on my way. I can’t bring myself talk to her anymore, and now that I’m older, I simply don’t have to.
Everyone should realise that abuse isn’t just of a physical nature. Mental abuse cuts just as deep, and the blows can leave an individual unconscious for a lifetime.
Fortunately, I woke up.

Unique Fatso

February Reflections

February 2021

End of Month Reflections

Why is it important to reflect?

It’s important to reflect because it allows us the chance to pause and assess how things are going and if we’ve accomplished our goals.

Reflection helps us to work through areas in our lives that we feel are stagnant or personal trauma that may have been holding us back.

What were the biggest wins?

In February the biggest wins were:

  • Understanding my body more and what food is best and what isn’t.

What were the biggest lessons learned/insights gained?

I found that the biggest lessons learned were that mental health is extremely important and should not be taken for granted. There were times that I had planned to meditate but either put it off for a later date/time or failed to complete the 15 minutes at all.

Other days, I did stick to my planner and meditate and I tell you, they were some of the very best days I had during February. This is why this is a lesson learned. While I know and champion daily meditation, I failed to follow my advice.

A key insight this month was the fact that although I do eat mainly healthy meals. My portions are often way off the mark. I became indulgent with eating more of the dishes I made. Such as Peppered Jack Fruit & Vegan Soup! Those dishes hit the spot for me – the odd thing is, I was fully aware that I was being greedy and I failed on all occasions to stop myself from eating more.

Reflecting now, I know I need to develop more will power. I believe the additional helpings came from the fact that I’ve just been indoors, bored out my mind and isolated. Locked down!

Which life areas were lacking and why?

The life areas I lacked were spiritual, family and friends.

I connected spiritually on an infrequent basis, I feel I avoided it because it brought up so many deep emotions. Memories from my past that have brought me so much pain – including a few traumatic experiences. These emotions form the basis for the reasons why I infrequently eat more food. (albeit healthy foods most of the time, I’m eating too much of it.)

I’ve thought about how to process these old memories that are resurfacing and infecting my days with low moods, which isn’t great when paired with UK wide COVID19 restrictions.

What tasks were not accomplished and why?

Some days were GREAT! Other days were SHITTY.

I was never consistent with my plans. Some days I felt extremely tired – I suffer from iron-deficient anaemia. Other days I struggled to push through and do what needs to be done.

February was a cold, wet month here in the UK and that added to the bouts of depression. I used it as fuel for reasons to stay indoors. Although, I knew that remaining inside was aiding the low moods.

How do I feel about my progress this month?

I feel bad about it and I don’t want it to make me feel like I can’t improve. Which I know is ridiculous, as everyone can improve!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how do I feel overall about this past month?

Yikes!

I would stay I started on a 9 and ended on a 1 – I’ve found the last week of February quite isolating. It was a dark time for me.

Thankfully, I have some amazing family and friends who have shown great support.

How will I improve next month?

I’ve decided to try to complete 3-mile walks, 4 times per week.

On the very last day of February, I pushed myself to get out and go for a walk. It was freezing outside, but I got dressed, wrapped up warm and packed a banana and a bottle of water and set out.

The first 10 minutes was so daunting! Gee, I thought about turning back and retreating to the safety of my home.

March, I’ll be marching through the city with a bottle of water and some snacks.

I’ll be mediating!

There you have it, my end of month reflections.

Live a healthy life,

Love

Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Going the Distance – 26.02.2021

Despite what some people may say to your face, you may encounter that not everyone wants you to succeed in losing weight.

They will smile in your face and then mumble shit behind your back. Like, ‘she can’t lose weight! She’s been fat forever.’ Then they will wish you luck and treat you to a bag of chips and curry-sauce, with extra chips, because apparently, it’s best to share. But then they don’t eat much, instead, they encourage you to enjoy yourself, and why not? They say, ‘It’s your last unhealthy meal.’

Anyway, you devour the rest of the chips before they change their mind, you wash it down with water. Because water is healthy and it seems fitting to wash away the crap you’ve just eaten. Secretly, they’re hoping you fail, they don’t want you to better yourself, as they can’t be bothered to upgrade their health, but they wish to benefit from having good health.

I’ve come across these kinds of people on a few occasions, most of which claimed the title ‘friend.’

But really, they’re fake!

Anyone who sets you up to fail sprays you with false hope or you hear their true feelings about you, are not meant to be in your life.

Use haters as motivators!

‘If at first, you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.’ – Aaliyah

If and when you hear such comments or recognise these behaviours, please don’t allow them to dissuade you from your goal! You can still achieve them, all of them!

I want you to be mindful that there are people like this out there and you’ll likely encounter them closer to home.

Tips to Continue Going the Distance?

  1. Stick your training plan to your fridge.
  2. Attach a copy of your weekly meal plan, to the fridge also.
  3. Always walk with a bottle of water, healthy snacks, and a mini diary.
  4. Don’t allow the haters to put you off from improving your health and wellbeing.

Go the distance and enjoy every moment!

Stay focused and stand tall in the face of adversity.

Live a healthy life.

Love

Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Commitment

Commitment noun

  1. 1.
    the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
    “the company’s commitment to quality”

Before
Clearly, I’ve never been committed to weightless. I had good thoughts and intentions, but I had never been truly dedicated to losing weight! Not until 2020 that is.

Today
I reviewed my journey and I admit, I’ve not been fully committed to losing weight. I’ve had the best intentions but the lure of greasy takeaways, extra portions and of course the sweet treats from the world of plant-based options. They’ve often taken over and my weight has increased as a result of my over-eating.

Topshop (A fabulous UK brand, that has a selection of clothing for tall people,) was recently acquired by ASOS. When I visited ASOS to sign up, as I love buying pieces from Topshop, I noticed a great selection of high-waisted skirts.

I envisioned myself slipping into one and showing off my amazing toned and curvy figure. And I must say, ‘I looked FABULOUS!’
I then downloaded a running plan from the web, and I’ve committed to start it from this Monday! In 2016 I committed and completed a ½ Marathon.

This year, if the event goes to plan, I hope to run for most or all the course – 13.1 miles.
Today:
‘I commit to my weight-loss
‘I commit to completing a ½ marathon this year.’
‘I commit to sticking to my new running plan.’
‘I commit to manifesting positive change.’

Live a healthy life.
Love
Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall! Who has the BEST Figure of them All? – 12.02.2021

I remember the times I would spend avoiding my reflection. I didn’t feel I was worthy of looking at myself in the mirror. I mean, I had eaten so much that I felt ugly, both inside and out.
Those fairy-tales always spoke of the most beautiful girls in the world. You wake up and you look amazing. A Fairy Godmother could fly by and zap out the perfect ballgown for you. No problem!

Mirrors showcasing beauty to beautiful people and highlighting those voids you manage to block out for the most part.
In a world where our society provides some with the joys a nice compliment and those that ‘seem’ less favourable, with negative comments. It’s a challenge to get through the shit and stay focused on your weight loss goals.

I hear you!
I understand you!
I am YOU!

I’m on my weight loss journey and I find there are challenges along the way. Some are nice, others are okay and then the rats chew on your ankles and hope you stop looking after your health. They hope you fail, then they’ll continue to label you FATSO.

’Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the healthiest one of them all?’
• You will reach your goal weight.
• You are becoming healthier every day.
• Your reflection is glowing.
• You are beautiful.
• You are valued.

Today, I look in the mirror every day. I smile and speak my positive affirmations.
I love my body.
I love my curves.
I love my tiger stripes.

Remember, there is only one version of you in this entire universe.

Live a healthy life.

Love
Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: How to Lose Weight? – 05.02.2021

This is one of the most frequently asked questions when a person begins their weight-loss journey.

  • How do I lose weight?
  • How to lose weight?
  • How to lose weight fast?
  • How to burn fat?
  • How to lose 10lbs overnight?

The questions are endless, but the core remains the same within each, ‘lose weight.’

In some sense weight loss should be easy, because all advice (most advice) point to the following:

  • Healthy eating
  • Follow a fitness plan
  • Have the determination to stick to the above.

I’ve found that many sources of information, fail to delve deeper and highlight the following:

  • Healthy eating – Changes to diet, Allergies, Portions, how much is too much? Plant-based benefits?
  • Follow a fitness plan – What fitness plan? Resistance training for weight loss?
  • Have the determination to stick to the above. What is the determination? How to identify motivation? The effects on your mind when you fail?

There are a plethora of key elements that derive from weight loss but most outlets just tell you to focus on one area. When in reality one must work on all three elements to achieve successful weight-loss.

For example: I’ve known someone who solely focused on her diet. Yes, she was successful in losing weight but her muscles were weak and her mind was not prepared for the aftermath of substantial weight-loss, such as loose skin.

Another example: A person that focuses specifically on fitness, fails to address the fact that unhealthy eating got them to become overweight. Thus, what you begin to find with some people, is that they quickly gain weight the moment they lag a bit with either diet or fitness.

A final example: An individual who focuses on fitness and diet, may lose weight, and look fabulous. However, they fail to address the mindset that aided their weight-gain.

In short, to lose weight, you must work on all three elements. This will not only help you to reach and sustain your goals – it will help you to become a healthy version of yourself.

I’ll be sharing free plant-based meal planners, fitness planner and positive mindset documents. However, only you can lose weight!

Information is out that and there’s plenty of it when it comes to health and fitness. It’s your responsibility to sift out what applies to you and it’s your responsibility to apply best practices to achieve all your health goals on time.

Affirm this:

  • I am healthy.
  • I am fit.
  • I am focused.

Live a healthy life!

Love

Unique Fatso

Reflection: End of January 2021

Why is it important to reflect?
It’s important to reflect because it allows us the chance to pause and assess how things are going and if we’ve accomplished our goals.
Reflection helps us to work through areas in our lives that we feel are stagnant or personal trauma that may have been holding us back.

January 2021 for Unique Fatso
I had a pleasant start, as my NYE was spent with family, reflecting, and vocalising my gratitude for everything I’m thankful for.
January 2021 has been a massive contrast to January 2020 – which I entered depressed, due to a failed relationship and other personal challenges. I started 2020 on a low.
It wasn’t until mid-2020, where I started to reflect on what’s causing me pain, why I feel like my life isn’t moving forward and what I can do to heal and progress.

Once I began reflective writing, my life started to improve, and I began to feel happiness in my life! It had been a long time since I had genuinely smiled.
What I discovered was:

  1. I had been holding onto 2019 traumas. I think mainly because I had hope that things would improve. I see the good in many people and I try to do the best I can, to ensure that they’re happy. In June 2020, I learnt that I’m not responsible for the happiness of others.
  2. I never stopped and took time out to celebrate my accomplishments to date. I was forever talking down about myself and ignoring how far I’ve come.
  3. I Ignored the messages our universe kept putting out for me to see and understand. Be myself, listen to my voice and know that my words have meaning, and my life has a purpose.

From that moment on, I started to reflect more – not always in the form of writing. It was hard at some points. Even recollecting the whole experience now, makes me feel vulnerable. I can tell you for sure, that this process is not an easy one. I’ve cried several times, as reality pierced through my heart and embedded itself to my soul.

So how has January 2021 been?
It has been phenomenal!
Extremely challenging but phenomenal all the same. I’m posting more here and I’m feeling more relaxed about opening-up to you all and sharing my weight loss journey to date.
My confidence is growing with the plant-based recipes that I infrequently try out. And I’m building my experience with creating videos, that aim to support others on their weight loss journey. (I’m a complete novice with all these elements of social media and being present online.)
My apologies!
January 2021 was positive and highly insightful.
I’ve grown.
I’m growing.
There are no ceilings above me.

Live a healthy life.
Love
Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Plant-Based Smoothies

Before

My liquid intake consisted of the following soft drinks:

  • Coke-a-Cola
  • Sugar water
  • Syrup and water
  • Various milkshakes (made with full fat cow’s milk)
  • Cow’s milk Semi-skimmed or full-fat – served in large pint-sized glasses. Most often consumed with chunky chocolate-chip cookies.
  • Mixed soft drinks – I used to mix Cola, Sprite and Fanta.

At the time I only thought about the thirst I was feeling and what to drink to quench that thirst. I never gave much thought as to what I was filling my body with.

  • Sugar (excessive amounts.)
  • Aspartame
  • High fructose corn syrup
  • Yellow 5
  • Phosphoric acid
  • Saccharin
  • Sodium benzoate

Alongside many more detrimental elements.

I’m sure this behaviour, blended with such ingredients contributed to my weight gain and issues such as acne and low nutrition.

Today

Whenever I’m thirsty I will drink one of the following options:

  • Water (prefer still, sometimes with a few drops of lemon juice.)
  • Orange juice.
  • Apple juice.
  • Other freshly pressed juice combinations.
  • Herbal tea.
  • Plant-based hot chocolate.
  • Plant-based tea.
  • Homemade plant-based smoothies – sharing recipes on my YouTube channel UniqueFatso

These drinks are loaded with:

  • Vitamins
  • Minerals
  • Antioxidants
  • Essential nutrients
  • Good health!

Gone are the days that I filled with cow’s milk.

Today my acne is less prominent, and my health is a lot better.

 Today I feed my mind with knowledge on good foods to eat for my health, my body with good nutrients and my soul with good intentions.

Know that although you may be devouring bad foods like I was all those years ago. You can change your diet for better health! Better to start now, than never.

It may seem impossible and beyond your expectations. But why place limitations on what you CAN and WILL achieve?

Why restrict yourself? You can adopt a healthier lifestyle if you truly want to. It by no means will be easy for you. However, you can start small like switching from animal milk to a plant-based alternative. You can also reduce your soft-drink intake and have water.

I know, critics will tell you it’s boring and stupid. Only, your body will thank you wholeheartedly!

Your skin will glow with good health and you’ll feel better within yourself.

Change today!

Live a healthy life!

Love

Unique Fatso

Fat Fridays: Menstruation Mess

From time to time I will post about my period. Initially, my concerns were the strong pains I was experiencing. Which I later found out was caused by Bean.

Fast forward to today and here I am writing about my night, last night.

I had a nice hot shower, changed into some warm Harry Potter nightwear, (Gryffindor always!) Slipped quietly into bed, wearing a tampon. I was finally in bed, after a long day working on various things.

As I now like to sleep listening to podcasts, I tuned into The New Yorker, The Writers Voice. Falling blissfully to sleep.

I must add that my rest was wonderful, and I slept long and deep.     

However, I woke up around 0300 to turn over and discovered I had created a small puddle of blood. I had been laying on my stomach, so comfortably. So there I was wet between my thighs and trying not to drip on my way to the bathroom.

 Minutes later, I was thankful as hot water sprayed over my body, washing the crimson stains off my body and down the drain. I lathered myself up with Raspberry & Vanilla Original Source shower gel, feeling refreshed and clean.

Menstruation.

Many people talk about the pain that comes along and how they can be remedied. I too have posted many times about pain and what has helped me to alleviate my pain. However, I’ve rarely seen any posts about the mess!

I know it probably has never happened to some of you, however, I also know it has happened to many.

That morning was a bloody mess and the blood that seeped through and stained my sheets looks horrible. I mean, what can I use to clean that out? After thinking about my wet night, I concluded it was because I slept on my stomach. But I was soooooooooooo comfortable!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, menstruation is natural and while that moment during my cycle was icky. I think it’s great to have these conversations and share experiences with others. Yes, I menstruate but I’m still learning about periods – all the time.

Don’t be embarrassed about leaking out, it happens and you’ve got to move through it and continue forward. 

Apologies for posting up late – I tend to sleep a lot during my period.

Live a healthy life.

Love

Unique Fatso