The Other evening, I conversed with a friend and confessed it took me years to lose weight.
I’m losing weight in tiny increments; the bulk of my weight loss came last year, and even that was a struggle. For me, weight loss starts in my mind! Because when I feel bad, I eat badly. When I feel great, I eat well.
I’ve found this journey to be extremely challenging, and I’m not going to post up online and show you only the good bits, which I know is commonplace for trends today.
In February, I spent more time reflecting on my eating habits and why I tend to allow other factors to affect my diet? For example, one day, I had a bad time at work and on the way home, bought a bag of frozen curly fries – cooked ½ bag and sat alone eating a huge plate of chips that was seasoned with balsamic vinegar and pink Himalayan salt, and a small mountain of vegan garlic mayonnaise.
The following day I made a bowl of porridge for breakfast and had chickpeas and greens for lunch. That large portion of fries revealed itself when I weighed in. All because I had a bad day at work.
Other times, I realised that I would buy more of something during the days before menstruation started, and I would gorge on everything to myself. For what reason? Nothing suitable.
I had a conversation with my Coach, who encouraged me to get back into fitness that I find fun? Maybe even re-joining the gym? I thought about this, and I must admit that I do love walking.
Hmm, maybe this is one I need to mull over the weekend a bit and put some mini-goals in place?
Today, I delved deep into cleaning and spent time moving furniture and deep cleaning my living space. It felt extremely therapeutic to do that, and I believe when I eventually drift to sleep tonight, I will experience a nice needed slumber.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I had a lot of dust behind my drawers etc., it was disgusting. While cleaning these dirty hidden areas in my home, I thought about my friendships, relationships, past and present. I thought about the stagnant goals in my life and have been that way for an extended period.
Often it feels like I’m in a swamp, and I keep wading through shit, but I’ve barely moved a few feet. Then I feel bad because I’ve missed deadlines, and I don’t know how to get back on track, I keep dithering, and I know the root cause is the state of my mental health.
Anxiety beats me down, and I lose time.
I need to keep trying, though; one day, all will come good and prevail.