I hid my body away beneath layers of black clothing, oversized black clothing to be detailed. As I avoided looking in mirrors, I never really knew how stupid I looked.
I mean, being a fatty and trying to hide in black is nonsensical. I was there walking around looking like a black hole. I know, it’s abhorrent to talk about myself in such a manner. However, I’m simply reflecting on my behaviour, I honestly thought that by wearing black, I would go about my daily life unnoticed.
Looking back, I can recall the day a pair of Spanx arrived in the post. I was excited as I believed it to be the cure for all my negative thoughts about my overweight stature. The advertisements and the women showing before and after (I hadn’t understood at the time the power of advertising!) and how amazing they looked. Tiny waistlines and attractive curves just wowing everyone they saw that day – I wanted to be that happy woman, so I purchased Spanx!
I never tried it on the same day, I waited for the weekend to arrive – couldn’t tell you why.
Anyway, I opened up the packaging, very excited about how this tiny piece of material was going to flatten my stomach! I had purchased the XL and to my shock that was difficult to try on.
After 10 minutes of jumping and squatting, pulling and trying not to add tearing to my actions. I had managed to squeeze both fatty thighs into my new pair of Spanx. I rolled the top over my flabby waist and turned to remove the towel from my mirror and see what my good money had transformed me into.
I sucked in my stomach for a more defined look. I admit, for a split second, well maybe like 3. I looked amazingly attractive. But master that period, I felt like my body was wrapping in cling film and my thighs felt like my blood supply was cut off. I know then that I couldn’t wear this for 5 minutes let alone a few hours.
I fought my way out of the Spanx, popped them forcefully into the original packaging and stuffed the package into a small plastic box that I had labelled – open when I’ve slimmed down to a UK size 12.
My weight loss is a slow process. However, there have been times where I’m worried about how my body would look once I’ve reached my goal weight?
Like, I love my boobs now! But will they become boobs I don’t like? Will I be left with excess skin afterwards? How long will I need to wait before I could afford to have that removed and to make me look more human? Will I like being slimmer? Or will I miss the way my ass jiggles when I jog or how warm my stomach feels during those cold winter nights?
I accept this post may sound fairly ridiculous. However, I’m not about to sugarcoat my thoughts to suit someone else’s preferences when it comes to my use of language.
Through speaking to others both online and in-person, I know that I’m not the only one on a weight loss journey fearing the change once it arrives.
What I do know is that talking about such fears helps others on their journey, know that it’s okay you’re not the one! And that is very important to take away from this. Millions of people around the world have taken that decision to lose weight and become a healthier version of themselves.
While it’s awesome to acknowledge the food and fitness that one should try, to help them reach their health goals. We should also embrace difficult conversations and share our stories.
Whether that is worrying about having excess skin after weight loss, or eating extra food and lying about it in your diary so that you don’t remember why you gained weight that week.
Let’s normalise difficult weight loss conversations and let’s uplift and help one another to become a healthier world.
Live a healthy life!