Fat Fridays – Forgiveness 06.08.2021
Those that hurt me, I allowed them to continue, whether that be name-calling, mocking my appearance and 9/10 I agreed with them.
‘You’re so fat!’
‘You look ugly.’
‘Your ass is massive!’
‘Your face is so dark. Black and ugly.’
‘Look at your ugly duck lips.’
Sure, I would cry and brood and cry some more. It all bubbled down to my acceptance that the words they vocalised for my ears to ring were true.
I stepped back from relationships because I never felt worthy of this extraordinary man to call my partner. I stepped way back, back back, into the cold. I wanted to freeze and be forgotten.
I have days where I struggle with my self-confidence and nights when I’m a Queen and embrace my throne. But, today, I recognise that everything is temporary; how long that is, I do not know?
No matter how wrong something is or how wonderful something feels, everything is temporary.
I’m working on my heart to be more open and try to forgive those who cut me up.
I’m defrosting my mind to learn how to love myself and step forward first.
I’m understanding why and not fighting the explanations.
I’m not about to tell you to forgive everyone who wronged you, and you’ll feel better as that may not work.
I implore you to face your mental traumas and try to heal day by day. Only you can make that first step, so make it positive, know that taking care of your mental health and learning forgiveness is okay.
I know I won’t forgive everyone who has shot at my life and thrown shit on my pathway. I’ve ejected them from my life permanently! I will not allow negative energy to devour my soul and reject my existence.
Live a healthy life,